Something that I’ve been struggling with for years is loving my body. But recently, I’ve decided to take a step towards body positivity even if my body isn’t the way I’d like it to be. I remember about a year or two ago, I was obsessed with working out and eating healthy. I didn’t really have a healthy way of thinking. My mind would constantly worry about eating junk good and gaining weight. Whenever I weighed myself, I would be so discouraged about the numbers going up.
The results and compliments are what kept me motivated. Whenever people told me that I looked skinny or lost weight, it reinforced the idea that I need to stay that way I was. That I need to stay this way in order to feel accepted by people. I wasn’t even exercising because I enjoyed it but I wanted to be skinny.
Even at a time where I was 10 pounds lighter and more physically active, I kinda felt miserable. Even with all the positive comments, I felt pressured and unhappy. People around me always talked about how skinny or fat another person is. I couldn’t stand it, I couldn’t stand listening to this. I felt terrified of gaining weight.
And of course, I gained weight. I don’t work out as much. But I do eat rather healthy. But the thing is I am choosing not to spend so much energy worrying about being skinny as I have so many other things to worry about. I eat healthy and work out when I can. My motivation to work out is not to lose weight but because I enjoy it and the endorphins that come from it.
Recently, I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror and feeling a little more confident in my own skin. Flaws and everything. Although it isn’t what I’d like it to be, I’m grateful for my body and what it can do.